How long should singles wait to meet a new mate’s family and friends?
By Tom Blake
Each Friday, I publish an online e-newsletter. Julie, one of my subscribers, emailed, “I’ve been dating a man for almost a year. We had only known each other for a month or two when he was diagnosed with throat cancer. Our relationship was put ‘on hold’ during his surgery and treatment, which ended six months ago. Since then, all of the tests have come back negative for cancer.
“Here’s the issue: He has met my friends and family, but he has yet to introduce me to anyone in his life. I’ve asked him a few times about when I will meet his kids, and his answer has always been “eventually.” I am trying to be patient, knowing that the health issues he has dealt with are a big reason for him holding back. But, this is beginning to bother me. Should I just give him some more time, or should I be seeing this as a red flag?”
Six e-newsletter subscribers emailed advice:
Alicia—Austin, Texas, “Julie has gone above and beyond supporting the man. If he cared deep down for Julie, he would have treated her like a gem and introduced this loyal light in his life to his family and friends by now. Julie needs to shine bright for someone else and let him go.”
Jennifer—Aliso Viejo, “Something is definitely off in Julie’s relationship. A man who doesn’t level with you about his situation after a year is often being dishonest.”
Wayne—Dana Point, “This is a huge red flag. Family and friends are a major part of one’s life. If Julie’s friend is the least bit interested in her for the long haul, he would want to introduce her to his family and friends.
“I suspect he is either not interested for the long haul or has something to hide. One’s interaction with family members and friends speaks volumes about a person’s character as they are the ones that have known him or her the longest.”
Gale—N.C., “There’s something that doesn’t ‘feel’ right about this scenario. After this long, one would think trust and closeness would have been established. She needs to decide that perhaps cutting the cord is what needs to be done.”
Jon—Olympia, Wash., “The reason is only one of two possibilities: 1) There is something about her that he doesn’t want his family to see or 2) There is something about his family that he doesn’t want her to see. Considering that distance is not a problem, she should at least have had some interaction with them by now.”
Stella—Costa Mesa, “Do not back away from him. Six months is a relatively short healing time for such a traumatic illness. If within the next three or four months, there isn’t any sign that he’s moving in the right direction, confront him again. Be prepared to hear that he’s just not that into you. It’s better to know than to wonder.”
Singles over 50 meet and greet events are scheduled for Thursday, March 14, and Thursday March 28, from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Hwy #116.
Tom Blake is a San Clemente resident and Dana Point business owner who has authored three books on middle-aged dating. For dating information: www.findingloveafter50.com To comment: email hidden; JavaScript is required.
