Problems arise when a woman from the past reenters a taken man’s life

By Tom Blake

A Southern California woman emailed me saying that her romantic relationship is worthy of a soap opera.

Tom Blake
Tom Blake

Kathryn (not her real name), said, “I have been going out with my boyfriend for three and a half years. We have enjoyed a wonderful relationship. He is the best boyfriend ever. I have never met anyone like him. He goes out of his way to be helpful and sweet to me.”

Kathryn, 69, was married for 33 years. Her husband passed away 13 years ago. Her boyfriend, also 69, was briefly married. He lived with a woman for 12 years. They broke up four years ago.

Two years ago, Kathryn and her boyfriend took golf lessons together and have been golfing ever since. He enjoyed the community where she lives so much he bought a home there.

Here’s where the plot thickens. Kathryn explained that recently the 54-year-old daughter of the same woman her boyfriend lived with called him, after four years of no contact. When he told her about the community and the golf course, she mentioned that she had always wanted to learn to play golf. He invited her to come to their community to learn.

Kathryn said, “Her first visit was golf. The second was golf and dinner. The third was golf, dinner and swimming in the community pool. Then, tennis was mentioned. On one occasion, she brought her robe and slippers and stayed overnight.”

On that night, her boyfriend stayed with Kathryn.

She added, “I am asked to go along on parts of these golf/dinner/swimming outings. I feel like a chaperone or worse, part of the crowd. He is happy and flattered to be in her company but is disturbed that, after several weeks of us entertaining her, I do not wish to continue the charade.

“She is more educated than I. He believes this means I should respect her. I feel he is disrespecting my feelings and me in general. From the start, I’ve believed she has an agenda. To suddenly be best friends after four years is suspicious.

“I do not understand why he is forcing her on me. I have not been rude and have attempted to accept her into our lives since he means a lot to me, but I am baffled as to the point of all this. He is dismayed that I cannot accept her. She is not someone I would become friends with. I consider her pushy and somewhat vulgar in her language. She should be able to express herself without expletives.

“I am thinking of ending the whole thing, which would hurt; but not as much as watching him ‘respect’ someone I feel is up to something. Wouldn’t she be concerned that this would be upsetting to her mom?”

Kathryn said they have both invested large amounts of money into two trips to foreign countries together—one in August for two weeks and another for all of November.

“This could turn into a messy situation,” she said.

Kathryn added, “I have tried reasoning with him, but he insists she is just a friend. I am past being polite and am just plain angry, not to mention hurt.

“Am I overreacting? Am I being unreasonable?”

I told Kathryn I would not like what is happening either.

Looking to meet new people? The next singles age 50 plus meet and greet gathering is Thursday, July 31, at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. There is no cost to attend. For questions, call Tom at 949.248.9008.

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comments (1)

  • I am glad you can put your emotions aside long enough to see clearly. She IS up to something and he is either stupid or completely thoughtless. At the least he is disrespectful to you. You can distance yourself and tell him when he finds his mind-you might be willing to spend time with him-Or you could tell him to enjoy his life and walk away. I have no personal interest, so as an older single woman I’d walk away and never look back. He’s a clueless pig! He knows exactly what he is doing. Take care of you and walk away and don’t look back-Do you really need this man in your life? It;s okay to want one, but never okay to NEED one. You sound like a bright lady-listen to your gut…

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