Changing my tune: Why dating a woman with horses is a good thing

By Tom Blake

Tom Blake
Tom Blake

As a columnist, I’ve written more than 3,000 articles and e-newsletters since July 4, 1994, when my first piece appeared in print. Many of the articles are based upon comments and emails from readers, some poignant, some a bit off the wall.

Recently, I received an email from Gail that puzzled me. She wrote, “I think your comments regarding dating women with horses are quite unfair. Those of us with horses enjoy male company as much as our horses. Please don’t stereotype us.”

My initial reaction to Gail’s email was, “What is she talking about?” And then it dawned on me. About 15 years ago, I wrote an article titled, “Avoid Single Women Who Love Horses,” which Gail must have found in my archives.

It was a tongue-in-cheek article, written innocently. I never expected it would stir up the female horse owners in south Orange County. But oh my, did I get a lot of flak back then, particularly from women who have their horses boarded at stables in San Juan Capistrano. Some threatened to boycott future columns.

The column was about a single man who shared the experiences he had dating women who own horses. He admitted in the article that he liked seeing the women in their tight riding pants. That sentence alone elicited a bevy of negative comments.

He said: “I assisted a voluptuous lovely in delivering her horse to Winchester/Rancho, for a weekend ‘seminar’ in hunting and jumping. When Saturday was over, she asked me to spend the night in her motel room because ‘the drive home was too long.’ Later, the wide brim of her hat knocked out one of my contact lenses while dancing at a cowboy bar.”

And then he said the plot thickened back at the motel.

He said, “Guess what she did when she emerged from the shower and sat on the bed wrapped in a towel? She telephoned her husband. She told him where she was, that she’d be spending the night, and yes, that I was still with her. My expectations for the evening changed in a hurry. I muttered to myself, ‘Why don’t you just tell hubby what my name is, what hotel room we’re in, etc.’”

He added, “It turns out the marriage was an arranged one for her residency status. Nevertheless, her horse took priority over any guy. I’ve been involved with two women who would rather spend time with and/or give more consideration to their horses than a prospective relationship.”

Based on his experiences, he recommended that men avoid dating women who own horses.

I reread the old column, and then responded to Gail: “I wrote that column 15 years ago. It amazes me what can be dredged up on the Internet. But Gail, I’ve mellowed. I’ve softened my position regarding dating women who own horses.

“Why? I own Tutor and Spunky’s deli in Dana Point and recently hired a woman who owns horses. She’s lovely, and a very nice person. And while there are days when she has to leave the deli early to go feed the horses, I know a hard-working, highly visible guy who works in a highly-visible San Juan Capistrano business who admires her and her dedication to her horses.

“So Gail, I’ve changed my tune. Men should cherish women who own horses and feel fortunate if they can even get a date with one, although they may have to share her affections with a four-legged stud.”

To comment, email Tom at

This month’s Meet and Greet for singles 50 and over will be at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point, Thursday, Feb. 27, from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. Call 949.248.9008 for questions.

Tom Blake is a Dana Point business owner and San Clemente resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. See his website at

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