By Jim Kempton
I have long believed that women are superior in almost every way we judge things in the modern world. This might be unfair since we men have done such a good job of blowing it up.
Let’s face it—if belligerence, impatience, arrogance, intolerance and lawbreaking are the bane of civilization, women may be the planet’s only hope. As we men continue to bully our way through the world, women create beauty, stability, grace and gentility even when the task is a long-suffering one. As Joseph Conrad once remarked, “Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men.” Like the old adage says, “behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
Let’s think about the famous women we know. One of the most successful female physicians, geneticist and Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient Janet Rowley made her career by determining the cause of leukemia—identifying chromosomal translocation as a prime factor. Meanwhile the most successful male physicians are causing frantic 9-1-1 calls about a prescription that has caused an erection to last more than four hours.
Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi, Red Cross founder Clara Barton, famous vote suffragette Susan B. Anthony, world-changing environmentalist Rachael Carson, anthropologist Dian Fosse, aviation legend Amelia Earhart, National Poet Laureate Maya Angelou, health science genius Madame Curie, Gorilla godsend Jane Goodall, heroic nurse Florence Nightingale, Pulitzer Prize-winning author Pearl S. Buck, Civil Rights hero Rosa Parks, Astronaut Sally Ride, Human Rights champion Eleanor Roosevelt, Nobel Peace Prize winner Jane Addams, Surgeon General Regina Benjamin, dance genius Isadora Duncan and Red Cross president Elizabeth Dole.
Do you sense a trend here? All these women are doing good things. No assassins, stock market manipulators, war criminals, tyrants, mass murderers or gang members. Can you name a woman who fits in any of these categories?
Now, quickly, name the first men you can think of. Does the list above multiply instantly? Of course it does. Men are belligerent imbeciles. Women are peacemakers. We try to get what we want by bullying the other guy. Women have more imagination than men. They compromise, cooperate and deal from compassion and consensus. Guys? We think those character traits are weaknesses.
Men are much more egotistical too. Women work from subtlety: if they can’t succeed by being smarter than their male opponent, they can usually win the contest by playing dumb.
OK, Kim Kardashian and Brittney Spears might not fit this elevated position, but they are no worse than the set of lawmakers we have in Congress right now. Indira, Gandhi, Golda Mier, Margaret Thatcher, would put them to shame. Conflict would be severely reduced if women ran the world—although there might be a few Madame Secretaries who refuse to speak to each other at State dinner parties.
What would a planet run by female leaders look like? Here is my guess: No nukes, a big reduction in crime and lots of productive, well-paid women.
Jim Kempton is an Orange County happily married husband who knows women are crazy and men are stupid— and that most women are crazy because men are stupid.