By Tom Blake
Senior dating is challenging. Single seniors mention that to me often. It’s particularly hard for women. A comment on my Finding Love After 50 Facebook page this week underscored how difficult for them it can be.
Barb stated that she was thinking of giving up on senior dating. She based her comment on experiences she’s had with four men, which she shared. She asked if she was being too fussy.
Barb wrote, “I have been off and on dating sites since I was 60 and now I’m 79. One man I met online was an hour and a half away, we dated two months.
He wanted me to move in with him. I was in the middle of moving in with him, when he found out his daughter was getting divorced. He decided it was not a good idea for me to move in, because he was going to remodel his house and have his daughter and her two daughters move into his house.
Plus, he didn’t like television so he wanted me to buy earphones to wear when I had my television on. Well, that was the end of that relationship.
The second guy I met invited me out New Year’s Eve to a dance. He had a funny little step in his dance that was hard for me to catch onto. He kept telling me all night how well his ex-wife and he could dance together.
While walking me to my door, he put gum in his mouth, and in a minute, he said, “Oh my God, I just lost one of my teeth.” Well that was the end of that man. I just saw him recently, which was a year later, and the tooth is still missing.
The third guy I met seemed nice and we had fun together. My sister lived near me. When her husband was dying, I went to be with her the night her husband was passing and this guy got upset and told everybody I gave him up for my sister. So that was the end of him.
A couple of weeks ago, I met a fourth man online. We exchanged messages. He asked for my email address so we could email instead of being on the dating site.
But I couldn’t get to know him as all he talked about was that he had lost his wife five years ago to cancer. He wanted to meet a woman who would make his house a home and be his special woman. He wanted me to forsake all others to be only with him.
I tried to talk about the future and what it would be like if we got together. It always went right back to the kind of woman he was looking for and how he wanted her to be his own and love only him.
So now I’m giving up on trying to find someone. It’s too hard. I think I would rather go it alone. It seems like I can’t find anybody. I don’t know maybe I’m too fussy. What do you think?”
I responded to Barb. “Too fussy? Certainly not with the experiences you described. However, I do think deciding to move in with the first man who lived an hour and a half away after only knowing him for two months was a rushed decision.
The second guy, the one with the funny dance step and the missing tooth, wasn’t right for you. Any man who talks about how great he and his former wife could dance isn’t tactful and doesn’t get it.
And, not only was the third guy insensitive, he was a jerk for saying what he did, during the time your sister’s husband was dying.
And finally, the fourth man, was self-centered and had no clue about what women want in a relationship. Besides, discussing having a future together with someone you’ve known for only two weeks is what I would call, ‘jumping the gun.’
So, Barb, you aren’t being too fussy, and I don’t think you should give up dating, but I do think you need to change the places where you are trying to meet men. You may be ‘looking for love in all the wrong places.’ Perhaps, get out locally and attend social functions and network through friends—these options might work out better. Maybe that will make senior dating easier.
Tom Blake is a Dana Point resident and a former Dana Point businessman who has authored several books on middle-aged dating. See his websites www.findingloveafter50.com; www.vicsta.com and www.travelafter55.com. To receive Tom’s weekly online newsletter, sign up at www.findingloveafter50.com. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org.