By Shelley Murphy
“A daughter is a daughter all her life, but a son is a son ’till he takes a wife.”
The first time I heard this pithy proverb was soon after giving birth to my first son, and I laughed.
Today, I find the quote less humorous—last month, my older son became engaged.
As my son and his fiancé begin planning for their big day, I’m realizing how much has changed since my walk down the aisle more than 30 years ago.
Wondering what lies ahead, I turned to the internet for the top wedding trends of 2023.
Party Before the Reception
Brides and grooms are gathering guests the day before their nuptials and welcoming them by hosting an afternoon barbecue lunch or evening cocktail reception.
In 1990, our wedding guests arrived at the church and caravanned to our reception venue for dining and dancing. Period.
Extravagant Cakes
Trends vary from 5-foot sugary confections to statement cake-toppers—think furry family members.
Our wedding cake didn’t boast towering tiers; I do remember including flowers, but not four-legged friends.
Individualized Invitations
Couples are encouraged to express their personalities with colorful invites incorporating humor, pop culture or photos, and directing guests to digital wedding websites.
Our ivory and black, fancy-font invitation disclosed just the facts: the location, date, and time.
Elaborate Exits
In 2023, newlyweds make grand exits featuring fiery sparklers and confetti bombs, thus providing the perfect photo opportunity.
My husband and I exited our reception early, without fanfare, to catch a Pan Am flight to Florida to board a cruise the next morning.
Disposable Cameras
What’s old is new again, and brides are placing the disposable cameras on tables so that guests can capture candid photos.
It’s nice to know I got something right three decades ago.
Along with wedding do’s, I discovered many don’ts. Five of today’s most-forbidden traditions were all flagrantly featured at my wedding.
Sequestering Before the Ceremony
Back in the day, it was considered bad luck for the bride and groom to meet prior to the ceremony. Today, not-so-superstitious couples trade this tradition for private “first look photos.”
The Wedding March
Wagner’s traditional tune, “Here Comes the Bride,” no longer reigns. Instead, couples choose a personally meaningful song to set the tone for the ceremony.
Matchy-Matchy
Say goodbye to cloned bridesmaids wearing identical dresses and matching shoes. In the age of sustainable fashion, it’s important for bridesmaids to rewear their gowns. Ha! We brides said this in 1990—well, without the sustainability part.
Divided Guests
No more worrying about sitting on the wrong side of the aisle; it’s open seating, and guests are free to roam.
Garter/Bouquet Toss
Asking guests to sharpen their elbows and compete to catch the bouquet or garter is a tradition tossed aside. Today, these customs are considered silly, at best, and anti-feminist, at worst.
According to a popular wedding planning website, theknot.com, as mother of the groom, I must remain mindful of my main duties.
I’ll make this short and sweet, as I’m discovering that’s a real job of the mother of the groom.
Host an engagement party. Check; off to a brilliant beginning!
Manage your son’s side of the family. Easier said than done.
Wear a dress complementing the wedding colors. I’m praying today’s trend of rust and terracotta fades before their big day.
Host the rehearsal dinner and make a speech in honor of the special day, but, of course, keep it quick and concise.
Choreograph the mother-son dance and ask my son to “practice a few moves” before taking the dance floor to eliminate awkward moments. I can’t wait for my son’s reaction to this.
While it’s too soon to tell if the old proverb is true, this much is certain: four simple words—“Will you marry me?”—changes life forever.
For more than 20 years, Shelley Murphy and her husband have lived in San Clemente, where she raised her two sons. She’s a freelance writer and has been a contributor to Picket Fence Media since 2006.
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