• Support
  • Advertise
  • Locations
  • Contact
Tuesday, October 3, 2023
No Result
View All Result
NEWSLETTERS
San Clemente Times
  • Calendar
    • Event Calendar
    • Submit an Event
  • Sections
    • Eye on SC
    • Soapbox
      • Submit a Letter
    • Getting Out
    • SC Living
    • Sports & Outdoors
    • SC Surf
    • Dana Point Times
    • Capistrano Dispatch
  • Digital Edition
  • Best of SC
  • Explore SC
  • Legals & Classifieds
    • Locals Only Business Directory
    • Classifieds
    • Submit a Classified
    • Obituaries
    • Announcements
    • Submit an Announcement
    • Legal & Public Notice Advertising
  • Special Publications
    • A New You
    • Aging Well – For the Young at Heart
    • Best of San Clemente
    • Crib to College
    • Festival of Whales Event Program
    • Go See Do
    • Good Eats
    • Graduation Special
    • Holiday Happenings & Gift Guide
    • Home Improvement Guide 2023
    • Money Matters
    • San Clemente Trolley Route Map
    • Summer Camp Guide
    • Swallows Day Parade & Mercado Event Guide
    • The Green Issue
    • Triton Football Preview
    • WSL Rip Curl Guide 2023
  • Real Estate
    • South County Real Estate Guide
    • Real Estate – Who’s Who
  • Calendar
    • Event Calendar
    • Submit an Event
  • Sections
    • Eye on SC
    • Soapbox
      • Submit a Letter
    • Getting Out
    • SC Living
    • Sports & Outdoors
    • SC Surf
    • Dana Point Times
    • Capistrano Dispatch
  • Digital Edition
  • Best of SC
  • Explore SC
  • Legals & Classifieds
    • Locals Only Business Directory
    • Classifieds
    • Submit a Classified
    • Obituaries
    • Announcements
    • Submit an Announcement
    • Legal & Public Notice Advertising
  • Special Publications
    • A New You
    • Aging Well – For the Young at Heart
    • Best of San Clemente
    • Crib to College
    • Festival of Whales Event Program
    • Go See Do
    • Good Eats
    • Graduation Special
    • Holiday Happenings & Gift Guide
    • Home Improvement Guide 2023
    • Money Matters
    • San Clemente Trolley Route Map
    • Summer Camp Guide
    • Swallows Day Parade & Mercado Event Guide
    • The Green Issue
    • Triton Football Preview
    • WSL Rip Curl Guide 2023
  • Real Estate
    • South County Real Estate Guide
    • Real Estate – Who’s Who
No Result
View All Result
San Clemente Times
No Result
View All Result

A Living-Apart Together Relationship (LAT) May Be the Perfect Arrangement

Staff by Staff
July 11, 2019 5:55AM
in Opinion Columns, SOAPBOX
Report Finds Rampant Noncompliance among MPs in Responding to Domestic Violence Calls on Base

Logo

1
SHARES
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

On Life and Love after 50 by Tom Blake

Tom Blake
Tom Blake

At age 78, Judy (not her real name) is confused about her relationship. She asked for advice.

Judy said, “Two years ago, a high school classmate, 78, and I began a relationship. He was married 53 years. His wife had dementia, and he cared for her until he couldn’t anymore. She went into assisted living.
“After his wife died, he came to see me often, and helped me move and buy a car. Our feelings grew, and we declared our love.”
“We live an hour and a half away (from each other). He remembers the anniversary of our first holding hands, our first kiss, and incidents like when he says he thought of me while driving all the way home.

“He’s a country boy; I’m a city girl. When I stay at his place, I feel like I’m in the boonies; it’s really rural. When he comes here, he cannot stand traffic. He curses at traffic, or if he drops something, or when he can’t find his phone, or at anything that frustrates him.
“I can’t stand that. It cuts into the peace we are experiencing and really affects me.
“He’s jealous that I’ve been in several relationships prior to ever knowing him. Plus, he’s constantly wanting sexual activity to the point I think he’s obsessed.

“We just talked a few moments ago; he’s at his place and I’m at home. He misses me and loves me, and for the first time, instead of rolling his eyes when I want to go to my church group, or other things I like, he’s encouraging me to do so.

“I try to please him. He does me, too. Today, he said he doesn’t want to be someone who controls my life. That was new, because in fact, he tries to.
“Having said all that, he’s truly a fine person and the reason I got involved to begin with. There’s much I love about him. But we are very different.
“I’ve thought about moving to his place and building a new life. It’s just that I like civilization. I also love his friends; they’re fun, great people. He has a large family; I enjoy being with them and love for him to spend time with them.

“Also, he’s remarked he thinks about moving into my place; thus, no yard to mow, hedges to trim, repairs to make and the like.

“He’s conflicted, and so am I.

“What to do? We love each other, but we’re so different.”

Tom’s advice: Considering you’re both so different and yet love each other, you already have the best arrangement—a LAT (Living-Apart Together) relationship.

Living an hour and a half away from each other is a bit inconvenient, but living apart allows you both to spend time alone when you want.

You say you’re both “conflicted” about relocating. Based on the information you provided, if one of you relocated, there is a strong chance that one or both of you would not be happy living permanently in the other’s environment. Because you are so different, problems could quickly arise.

You say he’s controlling, jealous and wants too much sex. He also has anger issues. I see big red flags in those characteristics. Firmly explain to him that those behaviors are unacceptable to you. He must treat you with respect.

You reported that he said he is going to try to change his behavior, to be more considerate of you. Give him a chance, see if he does. And, as far as the obsessive sex, tell him to cool his jets somewhat on that also.

After your talk, see if his behavior changes. If not, then you can decide what to do. He must treat you with respect. For now, keep the LAT relationship as is. Don’t move in together.

  • The next senior singles Meet and Greet is scheduled for Thursday, July 25, 5 to 7 p.m., at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 PCH in Dana Point. No admission fee. Complimentary appetizers. Beer and wine $5. Couples welcome.

Tom Blake is a Dana Point resident and a former Dana Point businessman who has authored several books on middle-aged dating. See his websites http://www.findingloveafter50.com; www.vicsta.com and www.travelafter55.com. To receive Tom’s weekly online newsletter, sign up at www.findingloveafter50.com. Email: tompblake@gmail.com.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Tags: Guest OpinionOn Life and Love After 50RelationshipsSan ClementeTom Blake
ShareTweetPin1
Staff

Staff

Related Posts

Dana Wharf Whale Report: Rare Sightings of Bryde’s Whales and Guadalupe Fur Seals Highlight Whale Watching Trips

Dana Wharf Whale Report: Rare Sightings of Bryde’s Whales and Guadalupe Fur Seals Highlight Whale Watching Trips

September 29, 2023
Nomination Period Opens for Veterans of the Year Awards

Nomination Period Opens for Veterans of the Year Awards

September 29, 2023
City Opens New, Unique Playground at San Gorgonio Park

City Opens New, Unique Playground at San Gorgonio Park

September 28, 2023
CoastLines: Let Safety & Fun on E-bikes Coexist

Public Safety Committee Looks to Provide Traffic Safety Suggestions to Council

September 28, 2023
Next Post
Grom of the Week: Cascia Collings

Grom of the Week: Cascia Collings

Discussion about this post

No Result
View All Result

SC Times Daily
Get important news and updates delivered straight to your inbox. Sign up here.

Subscriptions
Don’t get the SC Times delivered to your home? Subscribe today.

Advertising
Get new customers and drive traffic to your business. Advertise with us.

Support Local Journalism
For less than the cost of a couple of cups of coffee a month, become an “Insider” member and continue to get “Local News You Can Use” from the only independently owned, dedicated local news organization in South Orange County.

Contribute today.

Picket Fence Media is a proud member of the SoCal Media Network.

  • Archive
  • Contact Us
  • Dana Point Times
  • The Capistrano Dispatch
  • Terms of Use
  • About Us

© 2023 Picket Fence Media

No Result
View All Result
  • Calendar
    • Event Calendar
    • Submit an Event
  • Sections
    • Eye on SC
    • Soapbox
      • Submit a Letter
    • Getting Out
    • SC Living
    • Sports & Outdoors
    • SC Surf
    • Dana Point Times
    • Capistrano Dispatch
  • Digital Edition
  • Best of SC
  • Explore SC
  • Legals & Classifieds
    • Locals Only Business Directory
    • Classifieds
    • Submit a Classified
    • Obituaries
    • Announcements
    • Submit an Announcement
    • Legal & Public Notice Advertising
  • Special Publications
    • A New You
    • Aging Well – For the Young at Heart
    • Best of San Clemente
    • Crib to College
    • Festival of Whales Event Program
    • Go See Do
    • Good Eats
    • Graduation Special
    • Holiday Happenings & Gift Guide
    • Home Improvement Guide 2023
    • Money Matters
    • San Clemente Trolley Route Map
    • Summer Camp Guide
    • Swallows Day Parade & Mercado Event Guide
    • The Green Issue
    • Triton Football Preview
    • WSL Rip Curl Guide 2023
  • Real Estate
    • South County Real Estate Guide
    • Real Estate – Who’s Who

© 2023 Picket Fence Media