By Tom Blake
In the past few days, I have received emails from senior women who have commented about the pain of loneliness after losing a mate. Here are five of them:
Dee wrote, “I understand the need to find love again. I don’t want to just be friends, although a relationship could start that way. At my mid-70s stage in life, I want warp speed.
“I work late, so I don’t have to be home as the sun sets (just too many memories for me). This is not the life I planned. I want a new beginning.
“I want to find that special man to walk alongside me, hold my hand and make me feel good again. And a hug, wow, that strong arm around me. Yes, I’m missing that.
“No one can tell me what is good for me. My life, as I knew it, just died. But I am still here and want to feel good again. Dating apps serve a purpose. I know the risks and pitfalls of online dating. I’m willing to take a chance. I remain lonely but hopeful. If I’m lucky, I will kiss loneliness goodbye.
“In my youth, I saw James Taylor in concert. His song, “Don’t Let Me Be Lonely Tonight” made a big impression on me. Today, with my emotions a bit raw, I sang that song. Here’s to all the lonely dreamers filled with hope, who don’t want to be lonely tonight.”
Carolyn emailed, “I lost my close friend and companion on Good Friday, April 10, 2020. He contracted COVID-19 before authorities knew what was killing people so rapidly.
“Now, I’m seeing a man who treats me well. His wife also passed away. When we met, he said he didn’t want to remain lonely anymore. Neither do I.”
Pat shared, “After 32 years of marriage, I was widowed in 2000 at age 53. The thought of dating didn’t enter my mind for years. I finally found I needed more in my life and joined an online dating site. I met an honest man who lives 15 minutes from me.
“He is a widower. We started dating, and two years later, we are happy. I would never have met him if I didn’t date online. I never thought I would find someone at my age that I would care for so much and have such a terrific relationship with.
“My advice to single seniors is to keep trying, and you will find the right person.”
Deanne said, “For 33 years I was a party of two. We were the dynamic duo, and the word lonely didn’t exist. I can’t get used to being without someone who was such a big part of me.
“Not having someone to talk to, laugh with, and share life with is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced because it’s never-ending. This comes from a girl who experienced a Caesarean section with no anesthesia and lived to talk about it. My pain threshold is high, but surgery heals, and I can’t heal my heart.”
Thyrza emailed, “Loneliness and longing for the departed is brutal. After my marriage ended, it took me 10 years to get the courage to start looking.
“I joined match.com. I met a few frogs, but I persisted. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life with an empty feeling. I found a good man. It takes patience and an open mind to find that person. There is no time frame in which to seek a new relationship. Ten years was a long time to wait to look. Sooner is better.”
Hats off to these five courageous senior women who are combating loneliness.
Tom Blake is a retired Dana Point business owner and resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. See his website at findingloveafter50.com. To comment: tompblake@gmail.com.
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