• Support
  • Advertise
  • Locations
  • Contact
Saturday, January 28, 2023
No Result
View All Result
NEWSLETTERS
San Clemente Times
  • Calendar
    • Event Calendar
    • Submit an Event
  • Sections
    • Eye on SC
    • Soapbox
      • Submit a Letter
    • Getting Out
    • SC Living
    • Sports & Outdoors
    • SC Surf
    • Dana Point Times
    • Capistrano Dispatch
  • Digital Edition
  • Best of SC
  • Explore SC
  • Legals & Classifieds
    • Locals Only Business Directory
    • Classifieds
    • Submit a Classified
    • Obituaries
    • Announcements
    • Submit an Announcement
    • Legal & Public Notice Advertising
  • Special Publications
    • Money Matters
    • Best of San Clemente
    • A New You
    • Aging Well – For the Young at Heart
    • Crib to College
    • Festival of Whales Event Program
    • Holiday Happenings & Gift Guide
    • Triton Football Preview
    • Go See Do
    • The Green Issue
  • SC Guide
  • Real Estate
    • South County Real Estate Guide
    • Real Estate – Who’s Who
  • Calendar
    • Event Calendar
    • Submit an Event
  • Sections
    • Eye on SC
    • Soapbox
      • Submit a Letter
    • Getting Out
    • SC Living
    • Sports & Outdoors
    • SC Surf
    • Dana Point Times
    • Capistrano Dispatch
  • Digital Edition
  • Best of SC
  • Explore SC
  • Legals & Classifieds
    • Locals Only Business Directory
    • Classifieds
    • Submit a Classified
    • Obituaries
    • Announcements
    • Submit an Announcement
    • Legal & Public Notice Advertising
  • Special Publications
    • Money Matters
    • Best of San Clemente
    • A New You
    • Aging Well – For the Young at Heart
    • Crib to College
    • Festival of Whales Event Program
    • Holiday Happenings & Gift Guide
    • Triton Football Preview
    • Go See Do
    • The Green Issue
  • SC Guide
  • Real Estate
    • South County Real Estate Guide
    • Real Estate – Who’s Who
No Result
View All Result
San Clemente Times
No Result
View All Result

On Life and Love After 50: A Widower Seeks Clarity

Staff by Staff
December 8, 2022 3:25AM
in SC LIVING, SC Living Headlines
On Life and Love after 50: Three Widowers, Divorced Man Ages 60-90 Comment on Dating

Tom Blake

0
SHARES
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
Tom Blake

By Tom Blake

A widower named Ben emailed me last week. He wrote, “I’m 63 and became widowed unexpectantly in October 2020, when my wife, Ruth, died from a heart attack.

“We were married 29 years and have three children, one 17 (living with me), another 21 (away at college) and another 25 (living with me since Ruth died). My mother, 89, also lives in my home.

“Ruth’s closest friend was Abby. They had been friends since college, for 37 years. Abby and I became friends through her friendship with Ruth. Abby has not been in a relationship for five years.

“Before either of us had married, Abby and I had a little one-time fling while drinking too much at a party. She now lives on the West Coast; I live on the East Coast. Abby and I have always been in communication and more so after Ruth’s passing.

“This past June, I felt a need to get away to have some alone time after dealing with and managing grief. I texted Abby, mentioning that I was taking a five-day vacation to the West Coast, and asked her to join me. She replied immediately and agreed. She told me that she had been celibate for five years. I confirmed that I would be a total gentleman.

“During the trip, we were getting closer and closer and finding out things about each other. Plus, we were having an emotional time reminiscing about Ruth.

“At the end of the five days, Abby wound up flying back home with me to visit longer and to visit her sister, who lives two hours away from me. Abby told me numerous times that we were soulmates, and that I was the teammate she had been looking for. We shared deep and pleasant conversations regarding our feelings for each other.

“Then, she unexpectedly lost the lease on her apartment out West. So, we were planning to move her into my home in the East. We were working on the renovation for the new bedroom, planning on buying a new bed, dishes, etc.

“In early November, she decided that everything was going too fast, and she wanted to slow it down. Her life was in turmoil, because she had no home and her daughter who lives near her needed her, and the timing wasn’t good for us. She is busy growing her internet-based consulting business. All her belongings including her car were out West.

“Abby signed a short-term lease on a new apartment. She mentioned in a text that her plan may be to pack up everything in August and drive to my place.

“Her news threw me for a loop. We still text most days, but I am giving her space and not texting as often. Although my kids have known Abby all their lives, I know they aren’t ready for Abby to move in. But I am in love with Abby. All my emotion for her came quickly. She said the same thing about me.

“I’m trying to figure out what my 37-year friendship with Abby has to do with me having such intense emotions for her, versus comfort I am seeking because of Ruth’s death. What’s your opinion?”

Tom’s answer: Is this long-distance relationship feasible? What if Ben waits for her until August and then she decides not to move? If that happens, then he’s wasted eight months. And what about his kids and mother living with him? Does Abby really want that?

And his children. Ben says they aren’t ready for an Abby move-in.

Ben asked why he has such intense feelings for Abby. I don’t think it matters. That’s what love is. But, it can be blind and cause unwise decisions. We’ll see what August brings.

Tom Blake is a retired Dana Point business owner and resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. See his website at findingloveafter50.com. To comment: tompblake@gmail.com.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Tags: Dana PointOn Life and Love After 50Orange CountyRelationshipsSan ClementeSan Juan CapistranoSenior Dating
ShareTweetPin
Staff

Staff

Related Posts

Artifex Releases Beer ‘Created by AI, Brewed by Humans’

Artifex Releases Beer ‘Created by AI, Brewed by Humans’

January 27, 2023
Calvada

Planning Commission Gives Go-Ahead to Mixed-Use Development South of Downtown

January 27, 2023
Council to Hold New Election of Mayor Pro Tem Amid Debate over Voting Process

Council to Hold New Election of Mayor Pro Tem Amid Debate over Voting Process

January 26, 2023
Permitting

Planning Commission Finds Pros, Cons in Permit Streamlining Amendment

January 26, 2023
Next Post
Grom of the Week: Koa Morehead

Grom of the Week: Koa Morehead

Discussion about this post

No Result
View All Result

SC Times Daily
Get important news and updates delivered straight to your inbox. Sign up here.

Subscriptions
Don’t get the SC Times delivered to your home? Subscribe today.

Advertising
Get new customers and drive traffic to your business. Advertise with us.

Support Local Journalism
For less than the cost of a couple of cups of coffee a month, become an “Insider” member and continue to get “Local News You Can Use” from the only independently owned, dedicated local news organization in South Orange County.

Contribute today.

Picket Fence Media is a proud member of the SoCal Media Network.

  • Archive
  • Contact Us
  • Dana Point Times
  • The Capistrano Dispatch
  • Terms of Use
  • About Us

© 2023 Picket Fence Media

No Result
View All Result
  • Calendar
    • Event Calendar
    • Submit an Event
  • Sections
    • Eye on SC
    • Soapbox
      • Submit a Letter
    • Getting Out
    • SC Living
    • Sports & Outdoors
    • SC Surf
    • Dana Point Times
    • Capistrano Dispatch
  • Digital Edition
  • Best of SC
  • Explore SC
  • Legals & Classifieds
    • Locals Only Business Directory
    • Classifieds
    • Submit a Classified
    • Obituaries
    • Announcements
    • Submit an Announcement
    • Legal & Public Notice Advertising
  • Special Publications
    • Money Matters
    • Best of San Clemente
    • A New You
    • Aging Well – For the Young at Heart
    • Crib to College
    • Festival of Whales Event Program
    • Holiday Happenings & Gift Guide
    • Triton Football Preview
    • Go See Do
    • The Green Issue
  • SC Guide
  • Real Estate
    • South County Real Estate Guide
    • Real Estate – Who’s Who

© 2023 Picket Fence Media