By Tom Blake
There is something strange going on in the senior single dating arena. Lately, I’ve been receiving emails from single seniors who say they’d like to have a romantic partner in their lives.
For example, Cher emailed, “I lost my love last year in January. He was a wonderful man. It’s been a year now, and I would very much like to meet someone wonderful again.”
On the other hand, I hear from other single seniors who say they are too busy to have a full-time partner in their lives.
Bruce, age 60, emailed, “I just got out of a short-term relationship which had me ‘running a rat race,’ where we both had our own homes and my lady friend wanted to be together almost every night.
“Juggling time between family, friends, the girlfriend, and work was a challenge. It’s not that I didn’t want to spend time with her, but restricting my family time because she had significantly more free time was not doable for me. However, seeing a mate two or three times a week might work.”
It’s not just men who want their relationships part-time. A surprising number of women do also.
Jonie wrote, “Most of the senior women I know are available for a part-time relationship but don’t want to take on a man full-time. The women have hobbies and friends and want quality alone time. They don’t want to give those things up, so a part-time relationship is perfect for them. Most are widows or divorcees who have learned that living alone has a lot of perks.”
I know a widow (11 years), age late 60s, who had three brief outings with a man she’d known for years. He seemed interested in her. Sparks were flying.
After the third outing, she emailed him, “I’m not willing to give up my free time for a relationship at this point in my life. The little bit of free time I have, I like spending by myself or with my family.”
He shrugged his shoulders. She wasn’t available. Or perhaps he isn’t the right guy for her.
Another widow of two years manages the business that she and her husband owned. Plus, she is a caregiver in her own home for her elderly mother. She barely has time to come up for air or walk around the block. She’s a lovely person who’s not available for a relationship. Not currently, at least.
Gloria emailed, “I’m divorced 30+ years. I’m healthy and fun. People wonder why I haven’t found a guy friend all these years. I would love a casual relationship. Never clicked with anyone.
“I’m not up for an all-consuming relationship. I enjoy my single life. I’m a writer, singer and a political activist. Last year, I met a seemingly nice guy online. He treated me to lunch.
“Based on our discussion, I felt he’d need more time than I was willing or able to give. I told him, ‘Even though I’m not working, I have a busy life, but it would be nice to get together on weekends.’ He cried. I hope he finds a nice woman offering what he needs.”
This single senior availability issue is new to me. I think I’m a two-to-three-times-a-week guy for getting together with a woman. I told my buddy Mike that. He asked if the two to three times per week included time for intimacy. I choked on my wine.
Egad, I thought, and replied, “Let me get back to you on that.”
Wow, so much to think about under this availability umbrella. However, senior singles shouldn’t make themselves available if they aren’t available themselves.
Tom Blake is a retired Dana Point business owner and resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. See his website at findingloveafter50.com. To comment: firstname.lastname@example.org.