By Tom Blake
San Juan Capistrano resident Yoko emailed, “A couple weeks ago, two girlfriends and I went to the Swallow’s Inn in San Juan Capistrano on a Tuesday evening for line dancing lessons. I arrived early.
“A few minutes later, two men sat down at the table next to me and started a conversation. I was attracted to the man sitting closest to me (I’ll call him ‘John’). He and I chatted for 2½ hours, and I even skipped one of the line dancing lessons, as we were engaged in an interesting conversation about a Fallbrook property he had bought this March with many avocado trees.
“He had lived in San Juan Capistrano for 25 years. He owns his own company, now lives in Mission Viejo Monday-Thursday and is in Fallbrook Friday-Sunday. He wore no wedding ring. As he was flipping through pictures of his Fallbrook property to show me on his phone, I didn’t see any pictures of him with a woman.
“He offered to buy drinks and food for me and my friends, which I thought was very generous. He bought a glass of wine for me and sodas for my non-alcohol-drinking friends. He helped move our table a little so my friends would have some space to sit and helped me lower a window blind that was stuck with sun streaming in. Very chivalrous of him.
“All of his qualities I found attractive, as well as his physical appearance. I guessed his age to be close to mine, in his mid-60s. His friend kept urging him to dance with me, but he had informed me early in the conversation he did not line-dance.
“I’m not aggressive when I meet men, as I was raised in an ‘old-fashioned’ environment and the Japanese culture where the man makes the initial contact offer. This has always worked for me in the past.
“After 2½ hours, my girlfriends wanted to leave, so I thanked ‘John,’ and said my friends wanted to leave. I lingered a bit, hoping he would ask for my phone number or give me his phone number. He did not ask, so I said, “I hope to see you again,” and I left.
“That was one of the strangest experiences I’ve had with a man to whom I was attracted, and I certainly got the vibes that ‘John’ was attracted to me. My ego was a little hurt, as I’ve never had a man spend that much time talking to me, who seemed attracted to me and then not ask if he could call or see me again. He certainly wasn’t shy, as he initiated the conversation with me as soon as he sat down next to me.
“I haven’t gone back to the Swallow’s since this happened, but will go sometime.
“I would enjoy hearing your and/or your readers’ thoughts.”
I responded, “Yoko, I have no idea why he didn’t ask how to reach you. Perhaps he’s involved in a relationship or even married.
“What more could you have done? One of the tips I suggest to single women who’d like to meet a potential mate is to be assertive, not aggressive, when meeting or seeing a single man who appeals to them.
“By this, I mean have a pre-printed card with your first name and email address on it, that you could have handed to him. Or, you could have written your email address on a cocktail napkin.
“Who knows if you will see him again? If not, it wasn’t meant to be. But, in the future, be prepared to hand over your contact information if a similar situation arises.
“If ‘John’ reads this column and wants to contact you, he can email me, and I shall pass his information on to you.”
Tom Blake is a retired Dana Point business owner and resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. See his website at findingloveafter50.com. To comment: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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