By Tom Blake
Corrine (not her true name) has been in an exclusive relationship with Tony (not his true name) for eight months. She said, “We hit it off instantly, even during COVID.
“He lives a half-hour away. We spend every weekend together. We have so much in common. We love to dance, discuss politics, play golf, pickleball, and even take bubble baths together. I laugh as I have never laughed before. You would never know I am 65 and he is 71. We act and play like we are 35.
“Tony is a beautiful man, inside and out. He was married three times and in each case, he left his wives. He has also lived with a few women, and I believe he left them as well. When Tony becomes unhappy, he leaves, but he says he always tries to work it out first.
“I love Tony very much. I believe he is my soulmate. I don’t tell him that, because I don’t want to scare him.
“However, recently, I said to Tony, ‘I want a life partner. Not marriage, but a partner to spend the rest of my life with.’ ”
Corrine was shocked by Tony’s response. According to her, he said, “I don’t know if I am that life partner for you. I now feel some pressure in our relationship.”
She said, “I didn’t mean that we should move in with each other. What I was trying to convey is if things continue to be this good, I would love to have him in my life as we enter the final chapter of our lives.
“I then made a mistake by saying, ‘I hope you are not wasting my time,’ which, of course, created more pressure on him. The following day, I felt so bad, I told him he is not wasting my time, that every minute, every day, that I spend with him is glorious, and I am happy for whatever time we have with each other.”
Corrine says she is worried that Tony might leave because of what she said. She has not mentioned the words “life partner” since, and things seem to still be wonderful between them.
She added, “I’m afraid to tell him I love him, but do say, ‘I adore you.’ He says the same to me. I wish I knew we will be together in the years ahead. I know there are no guarantees in life, but I feel somewhat insecure, which is not typical of me!
“I can’t imagine ever being happier with another man. I want to make plans and talk about the future. And not just about next weekend. What should I do?”
My reply to Corrine: Because of his track record, you fear he may leave you one day. That would be his loss. Show him by your actions what a great catch you are.
Do nothing different other than dropping the “life partner” and “am I wasting my time?” type of comments. Walking on eggshells is never fun, but comments about the future put pressure on him. Have fun together. Continue to enjoy your relationship.
Why do you see each other only on weekends?
Has he ever mentioned the reasons he left those other women?
Don’t consider leaving him. There is no guarantee you would find someone as compatible. Stop worrying. No one can predict the future.
Tom Blake is a retired Dana Point business owner and resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. See his website at findingloveafter50.com. To comment: firstname.lastname@example.org.